this is my kingdom come

I'm in a weird place right now...

I was going to do a holiday themed post, but it just doesn't feel like the holidays yet, so you're getting a hodge podge of all the songs I'm digging right now that aren't Taylor Swift's 'All Too Well.'

Ghosts That We Knew--Mumford & Sons
So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light, 'cause oh that gave me such a fright. But I will hold as long as you like, just promise me we'll be alright.

Can anyone promise that? Is forever truly attainable? Am I a cynic? I don't think that's the point M&S were trying to make, but that's all I hear. So if I don't know if I can believe in forever, how long can I really hold on? Jesus, I'm toxic.

But the ghosts that we knew made us black and all blue, but we'll live a long life. 

And the ghosts that we knew will flicker from view and we'll live a long life.

I really hope so. My arms are already tired.


Angels--the XX
LOVE this album, one the best of the year. I thought Sunsets would be my favorite song on it, but Angels snuck up on me I've changed allegiances. It's a simple love song, and it's absolutely gorgeous.

And with words unspoken, a silent devotion. I know you know what I mean and the end is unknown, but I think I'm ready as long as you're with me.


Love is Greed--Passion Pit
My Passion Pit obsessions come in spurts. I have no idea why I'm so fixated on this song at the moment to be honest, but I'm okay with it.

Don't want to love, don't wanna hurt. If all that loneliness requires is just another's comfort. Better off being a lonely road, 'cause there's beauty in being alone.

While I don't completely agree with this, there is a ring of truth in the words...

Love is just greed and it's almost taken me.


I For You--The All American Rejects.
I just saw them for the second time last night, and I was once again impressed. They have such a great energy and honestly, the show was just a really fun time, a much needed distraction. It only half worked because in prep, I've been listening to their newest work, and this song won't leave my head.

Was I good enough? Was I bad enough? When I wanted more, yeah, you had enough. But nobody's gonna try for you. Nobody's gonna do like I for you.

I don't feel like that's a stretch either. When it comes to liking pretty much anything, I don't half-ass it. I really love it. Friends, boyfriends, books, fandoms. When I commit, I commit. And so to feel like you're trying your hardest to show that love and getting barely half in return is disheartening and it makes you feel about five inches tall. Maybe I should take a page form Phil Dunphy's book and set my expectations lower, so the disappointment isn't so crushing.

Somebody's getting by for you. I don't bend, I just break in two. Somebody like me, I'd die for you.


Demons--Imagine Dragons
I didn't intend on jumping on this bandwagon, but it happened. And I'm so glad it did.

Don't want to let you down, but I am hell bound. Though this is all for you, don't want to hide the truth. No matter what we breed, we still are made of greed.

I told you I was in a weird place.

It's where my demons hide.

down the stairs, i was there

Curse you, Taylor Swift.

I'm mostly apathetic about her music; it's just not my thing. She has some catchy stuff, but I don't generally go out of my way to listen to her (and I HATE that Never Getting Back Together song...so much). But things change. I recently downloaded her album Red for a friend, and I thought I'd give it a try, just to see. I wasn't clawing my ears off, and I also wasn't hitting repeat. Until I stumbled across All Too Well.

Holy. Feelings.

It's like she's in my head or something, or maybe she's roughly my age and she just happens to be able to put into song all the things that we as young girls in love tend to feel and think. Maybe.

Definitely.

The autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place, and I can picture it after all these days.  And I know it's long gone, and that magic's not here no more, and I might be okay, but I'm not fine at all.

Double negative aside, I really couldn't have said it better myself.

And I know it's long gone, and there was nothing else I could do, and I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to.

Seriously, who told her? I mean, had this song come out this time last year, I would have immediately lost it, as I almost did Sunday night when I heard it for the first time. I can't stop listening to it; I'm hypnotized by its truth. It hits too close to home. I just...I can't.

Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much,  but maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up. 

Running scared, I was there. I remember it all too well. 

It's amazing the memories you hold on to, the smells, the touches, the words, the way that smile hit the light just right, the feeling of being complete in that moment, the sheer happiness, the hope for the future, then the gut wrenching feeling of the end, the tears, the loss of all of your plans. I definitely remember it all too well.

You call me up again to just to break me like a promise, so casually cruel in the name of being honest.

That may be my favorite line of the song.

'Cause there we are again, when I loved you so, back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known. It was rare, I was there. I remember it all too well.

And that's the best part, the past tense of it all. Though I'm no longer in that place anymore, and that's but a closed chapter, it doesn't make the words any less haunting, any less true, any less vivid. I got punched in the mouth once, so out of the blue, that I didn't even realize I was in a fight. That's what this song is, it's being punched before you can even realize what's happening. Then you're feeling so many things you've tried to forget that you fear you might explode, and the only thing you can do is push repeat.

But it's done. It's a memory. And when I have exhausted all of those feelings I put on Begin Again, and I'll leave you with the place I'm at now:

And you throw you head back laughing like a little kid. I think it's strange that you think I'm funny 'cause he never did. 

I've been spending the last eight months, thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end. But on a Wednesday in a cafe, I watched it begin again..

i'm but a clean man, a stable and alone man

Also doubling as one of my top five favorite songs, I Can Feel a Hot One by Manchester Orchestra wins this day's music challenge of a song that makes you think about life.

It's one of the few songs, as I've mentioned before, that always gives me  chills when I listen to it. I am forever indebted to my friend TC for opening my ears to this gem.  

I remember head down, after you found out. Manna is a hell of a drug. I need a little more I think because enough is never quite enough. What's enough?

It's a song I often make people listen to in its entirety,  and I don't allow talking while it's playing. 

I took it like a grown man, crying on the pavement, hoping you would show your face. I haven't heard a thing you've said in at least a couple hundred days, what'd you say?

When I hear that particular line, I often picture a car crash that involves the singer's wife. He's distraught; the person he loves could be dying and he doesn't know how to make it better. It's the type of man I want to love me. It's the type of love that I want. Does that make me slightly morbid? Who knows? I'm unconcerned. 

I was in the front seat, shaking it out, and I was asking if you felt alright. I never want to hear the truth. I want to hear your voice is sounding fine, my voice is sounding fine. 

Only solidifying the picture made in my mind. 

And I could feel my heartbeat taking me down and for the moment I would sleep alright. Invading with a selfish fear to keep me up another restless night, another restless night. 

But why is he so heartbroken? Did he do this? WHAT IS GOING ON? All I know is that at the point in the song, I am experiencing all of the feelings related to love and sadness and loss and life and pain and survival.

The blood was dry, it was sober, the feeling of audible cracks. And I could tell it was over by the curtains that hung from your neck. And realized then you were perfect, with my teeth ripping out of my head, and it looked like a painting I once knew back when my thoughts were not entirely intact.

A line that will forever remain engrained in my head: And I realized then you were perfect with my teeth ripping out of my head...What imagery, what lyricism, what beauty. 

So I prayed for what I thought were angels, ended up being ambulances, and the Lord showed me dreams of my daughter, she was crying inside your stomach. And I felt love...again. 

And a love song that I thought was about death and dying turned about to be about new life. A twist, the Prestige if you will, finely crafted, and delivered impeccably. Andy Hull and company forever have my respect and admiration because of this song (their other stuff is fantastic, but this song just stays with me always).

I recently read somewhere on the internet (so take this with a grain of salt) that the song was written as a coping mechanism of being away from his girlfriend/wife while on tour with the band. I don't know if that's true, but now I listen to the song with a different perspective: being away from the one you love, missing them so much that it hurts. But it also brings the image of being reunited, and the sheer unfaltering happiness that comes with it, not only with spouses and such, but with family and friends too.

So, in a segway of sorts to the upcoming holiday, I am thankful for all of the loved ones in my life, family or otherwise, that I will reunite with this holiday season. The ones from New Zealand, Boston, Oklahoma, Arizona, DeSoto County, Jackson, (hopefully) Pennsylvania. I'm also thankful for the ones I won't be seeing this go around, but will hopefully see in the months after (I'm looking at you Florida). This doesn't even cover my Pharmacy people so spread out around this country that it makes me sad; I miss you all so much and wish you the happiest of holidays (our first without one another close by).

Absence does make the heart grow fonder. And the reuniting that much sweeter.

Peace and Blessin's y'all.

we don't have much room to live

So, as per usual, I have not been a very good blogger. A lot of things have been going on in my world. Some good, some bad, some great, but nonetheless I have been a busy little bee. So now I'm going to dive right back into this music challenge that's more than likely going to take me ten years to finish instead of 30 days. 

So the next one on the list is a song to drive to. I thought about this one more than the others, because my favorite time to listen to any music is when I'm driving, so narrowing this down to a single song proved to be difficult. But, fear not, I rose to the occasion and have decided up Konstantine by Something Corporate. 

And if I hurt you, then I'm sorry. Please don't think that this was easy.

If you remember my Andew McMahon post, then you'll recall that Something Corporate is his "first band." Konstantine is by far and wide my favorite SC song. It's beautiful. And it makes your heart sad and happy and nostalgic and all of the other feelings that exist. And it's almost ten minutes long. And it's basically perfection. And it's hard to appreciate fully unless you're all alone, without distraction and interruption…hence why it should be listened to in the car. 

I've been thinking that it hurts me thinking that these nights that we've been drinking, they never got us anywhere, no…

Breaking up, trying to let go, holding on, not being able to break old habits, having love in your heart that you can't really do anything with; that's what I hear when I hear Konstantine

It's to Jimmy Eat World and those nights in my car, when the first star you see may not be a star. I'm not your star.

It makes me think of something my friend Marya told me that her mom told her--something about having chemistry with someone is easy, the timing is the hard part. Timing. Timing. Timing. What a funny idea, what a funnily accurate observation. I think people have multiple soul mates and true loves, but it's finding yours at the right time that makes all of the difference. I know that's true now more than ever. And it doesn't mean that you love or care about any of those other loves any more or any less, it just wasn't quite right, which is no one's fault. It just wasn't enough.

It's not hard to dream--you'll always be my Konstantine. 

And you will. And I will.

And then you'd bring me home, 'cause we both know what it's like to be alone...

down with the shine

SLACKER ALERT.

I have sucked it up big time lately, my apologies, but to say I have been busy is an understatement. Since my last post, I've gone on a company trip, went on a mini trip with one of my best friends to a city we've talked about going to for ages, saw the movie Looper, hit a few bars, saw some lovely people, AND I got to see Silversun Pickups and The Avett Brothers.

Let's start with SSPUs:
Originally, I wasn't going to go see them because of work, but Marya convinced me to go, and I am so glad that I did. It was fantastic. The crowd was polite, the music was phenomenal (including Atlas Genius and Cloud Nothings), and the company was the cherry on top. They even played my one of my favorite songs: The Royal We.

It's everything that is connected and beautiful and now I know just where I stand. 

And now to my boys, The Avett Brothers. I never thought I would love this band this much, but they are just beyond words. They are everything that music should be. This is the fourth time I've seen them since last May, and I'm starting to think I have my first addiction. 

They played a good deal of songs from The Carpenter, including the ever lovely February Seven 

I went on the search for something true. I was almost there when I found you. 

And again, they played my absolute favorite song of theirs: Laundry Room. I hate that my Amy couldn't be there to fully appreciate it with me, but I called her and let her listen, which was almost as good. 

So, like I said, this was my fourth time seeing them, and as I have told anyone who will listen (and even those who won't), they only get better every time I see them. I thought nothing could top their Tupelo performance, but this past one, was one for the books. The weather was perfect, and thanks to my friend Marcus, we had third row seats. I couldn't have asked for a better concert. 

They're so energetic, so real, so humble, so gracious, so gorgeous, and of course incredibly talented. 

If you've never seen them and you even remotely like them, go see them live. It's worth it. If it's not your type of music and you've never really heard any of their stuff, still go see them. You will not be disappointed. And when you decide to go, invited me, because I'll never get tired of hearing them play. 

And as always:

If you're loved by someone, you're never rejected;

decide what to be and go be it.

i feel my heart start beating to my favorite song(s)

Well, so much for being a more consistent blogger.

So, for now I'm going to do four days' worth of the 30 day music challenge tonight, and hopefully I'll get to the other three tomorrow night.


3. A song that reminds of you of summertime.

So for this particular summer: National Anthem by Lana Del Rey.
Red, white, blues in the skies. Summer's in the air and baby heaven's in your eyes. Tell me I'm your national anthem.

The irony would be that I was in fact, no one's national anthem.


4. A song that reminds you of someone you'd rather forget about
Oh, I'll just narrow that down to every song ever written about love and/or heartbreak.

Evening Kitchen by Band of Horses.
My god, don't you hold out your hand. I called off my plans. I counted on you, on you..

I'm so ready to see them live.

And if you're ever left with any doubt, what you live with and what you'll do without. I'm only sorry that it took so long to figure out.

And I am sorry that it took me so long to see the real you, the ugly you. But now I can see that I can do without you, it's just the forgetting that I am waiting on.


5. A song that needs to be played on LOUD.
First of all, any song by the Black Keys. But, for the purposes of this post, I'm going to go with Blue Orchid by The White Stripes.

 You took a white orchid, you took a white orchid and turned it blue

How dare you? How old are you now, anyway?

I just want this song to play whenever I enter the room. It's so raw and powerful and for some reason makes me confident in myself. So, I play it with the volume all the way up in my car, and I feel like a badass.


6. A song that makes you want to dance. 
This was a two way tie between Dirty Diana by Michael Jackson and Chelsea Dagger by The Fratellis.

Chelsea, Chelsea, I believe that when you're dancing slowly sucking your sleeve, that all the boys get lonely after you leave. And it's one for the dagger, and another for the one you believe. 

The Fratellis are an amazing band, and all of their songs are so catchy and fun, but this one really gets me moving, especially in the car.

Dirty Diana is just harder to dance to in a car.


Alright, that does it for this one. There's a lot of great new music out, so until next time, check out any or all of the following: Push and Shove (No Doubt), The Carpenter (The Avett Brothers), Mirage Rock (Band of Horses), Battle Born (The Killers), Babel (Mumford & Sons), Coexist (the xx).


 I turn the music up; I'm on a roll this time.

the B-list

Alright, in an attempt to shake things up a bit and keep it interesting, I found this 30 day music challenge on tumblr, (http://mkmcanin.tumblr.com), and thought I'd give it a whirl. 

I'm going to try not to repeat any songs from the soundtrack post I did in April. 

Here's the list:

1. A song you like with a colour in the title

2. A song you like with a number in the title

3. A song that reminds you of summertime

4. A song that reminds you of someone you would rather forget about

5. A song that needs to be played LOUD

6. A song that makes you want to dance

7. A song to drive to

8. A song about drugs or alcohol

9. A song that makes you happy

10. A song that makes you sad

11. A song that you never get tired of

12. A song from your preteen years

13. One of your favourite 80’s songs

14. A song that you would love played at your wedding

15. A song that has been covered by another artist

16. One of your favourite classical songs

17. A song that would sing a duet with on karaoke

18. A song from before you were born

19. A song that makes you think about life

20. A song that has many meanings to you

21. A favourite song with a person’s name in the title

22. A song that moves you forward

23. A song that you think everybody should listen to

24. A song by a band you wish were still together

25. A song by an artist no longer living

26. A song that makes you want to fall in love

27. A song that breaks your heart

28. A song by an artist with a voice that you love

29. A song that you remember from your childhood

30. A song that reminds you of yourself

So, since I started this on my tumblr yesterday, you'll get them both today.  

So, for number 1: 

Dark Blue--Jack's Mannequin

This night's a perfect shade of dark blue, dark blue. Have you ever been alone in a crowded room? When I'm here with you, I said the world could be burning down. 

aaaaaaaand for number 2: 

9 Crimes--Damien Rice

Leave me out with the waste; this is not what I do. It's the wrong kind of place to be thinking of you. It's the wrong time for somebody new. It's a small crime, and I've got no excuse.

This song is amazing. There really isn't much more to say. 

So, there were three other contenders for this one, so I think in the future I'll have a "number in the title" themed post. Runners up: 23--Jimmy Eat World (I already posted about this one), 3rd Planet--Modest Mouse, 33--Coheed and Cambria

I give my gun away when it's loaded. If you don't shoot it, how am I supposed to hold it?

Is that alright, is that alright, is that alright with you?

No...