higher devotion

The AUX cord for my iPhone is all but broken, so I've resorted to listening to, (gasp!), CDs. While I miss the casual uncertainty of shuffle, it's nice to revisit whole CDs without interruption (or the temptation of interruption).

Case in point: Jimmy Eat World's Invented

This album is truly fantastic, even if it is a deviation from their normal. My previous favorites from Invented were Invented, The Heart is Hard to Find and Cut. This go around, though, the songs that struck me were Littlething and Mixtape. 

Let's start with Mixtape:

Maybe we could put your tape back on. Rewind until the moment we went wrong. I was always just a little bit lost. Knowing what I do, I should have fought.

You don't get to walk away, walk away now. It's too late, you can't walk away now. 

But people do. 

And I was only there to sing your song. What were you protecting yourself from?

I can't tell you how much I love that string of words: I was only there to sing your song. I can't explain it in words, but that line hits home. It knocked the breath out of me today. 

Moving on to Littlething:

It's how I've often felt, when I find myself on nights like these, like Christmas Eve. From the empty office window, to the street outside. It's everything not to call and find out why.

You can tell yourself you're strong (you might be) and that you are better off (you definitely are), but there is always some small moment, some little thing that hits you when you're least expecting it. It's the perfect combination of being alone and reminded of a happier time. Then for maybe five minutes, you dwell on that one thing, wondering how it all could have gone so wrong when it started out feeling so right. 

On the cab ride you said nothing, just hair all in your face. I was scared to name it and nothing changed. So, I walked until I just couldn't, too late I understood. It was always half invented, but the other half was good.

It was always half invented, but the other half was good

It was always half invented

And then the stars aligned. Sometimes you find out things about people after the fact, lies and half truths, and then it all starts making more (but really less), sense. That's why there was so much good but still so much bad: half of it wasn't real. I initially thought I was going to spiral back down into a sadness, but I didn't. I thought about it, laughed a little and kept on driving. Losing someone you love hurts, there's no denying it, but losing someone it turns out you only half love hurts less. 

Just a little thing, buried in the other things...

In my defense (and despite my temporary blindness), the other half really was good. So good.

are you dizzy yet?

You close your eyes and kiss your hand, then you blow it, but it isn't meant for me and I notice..

The time for a post on Jimmy Eat World is upon us. I can't believe it's taken me this long, to be honest. I have so much love and respect for this band it's silly. I remember getting Bleed American for Christmas my freshman year of high school. I can't even play the CD anymore because it has so many scratches from years of  loving wear.

When I tried to think of which song(s) I was going to reference for this post, three came up immediately:
1) 23
2) Dizzy
3) Cut


23 is my hands down favorite song they sing. I actually saw them perform said song the day after my 23rd birthday. They put on one of the best shows I have ever been to. I was front row and managed to get the set list. I'm one of those losers that loves getting things like that after the show is over--keepsakes, you know?

So, 23:
I felt for sure last night, that once we said goodbye, no one else will know these lonely dreams. No one else will know that part of me. I'm still driving away, and I'm sorry every day. I won't always love these selfish things. I won't always live...not stopping...


It's so strange, but at 23, this was my life. Even now, I can't think of any other song that I can relate to as well as I can to this one. In fact, over the past few months, I haven't even been able to listen to it, because I can't handle all of the emotions that surface when I hear it.

I won't always love what I'll never have. I won't always live in my regrets.

I hope I don't always love what I'll never have, but I can say that I don't have any regrets.

Dizzy:
Very rarely do I find a song that I consider perfect. I find myself nitpicking songs, and will come across small nuances like double negatives, a weird pitch change, the chorus is repeated one too many times, or lyrics that don't rhyme. Dizzy is no such song. It's perfect.

If everything I meant to you, you can lick and seal and fold in two, then I've been so blind.

When they played this at the show, I remember being in complete awe. This is a song that can change lives, and though it sounds crazy, when I listen to it, I can feel mine changing. I put it on almost every single mixed CD I make people; it's that good.

Oh, oh, take it all back, take the first, the last, the only. Oh, oh, take it all back, take it all back, everything you showed me. Oh, oh this must be how it feels when the feeling goes...


Everyone has had that moment when a relationship is ending, and you see it, almost in an out of body sort of way. That's what this is to me. That moment when you realize it's almost the end, and you think about all of the things you could say or do to make this person, the one you want so desperately, to stay.

I told you as I hovered, I never felt this way. You said I have the shot that stops my clock, baby it's okay. You said you'd never have regrets, but Jesus, is there someone yet who got that wish? Did you get yours babe?


When this has happened to me, I think of all the things I'd want someone to say to me. What do I want to hear? Well, I want to hear Dizzy. Maybe that's why I don't really have functional relationships, since I live in a fantasy land where music is the solution to all of life's problems. The more I think of it, though, is it really enough? Would a song make me change my mind about leaving the person I'm with? I have no idea, but Jimmy is definitely your best bet.

Cut:
This is off their most recent album, Invented. I can't write much about this one, as the words are too real and the wounds have only just healed.

There's always some baggage you've got to check. I'm trying, hope that you'd understand. I'm sorry boy, but I'm not cut for this no more. Yes, I loved you boy, but I'm not cut for this no more..

There are so many JEW songs that I can't even touch on, because this post would go on for days, so that's pretty much all you're getting for now.

Until that next fateful post, if you haven't already, you should check out: Goodbye Sky Harbor, Work, Praise Chorus, Let It Happen, Polaris, Big Casino, Futures, Mixtape, and The Heart is Hard to Find. I promise you won't regret it.

crimson and clover, over and over.