down the stairs, i was there

Curse you, Taylor Swift.

I'm mostly apathetic about her music; it's just not my thing. She has some catchy stuff, but I don't generally go out of my way to listen to her (and I HATE that Never Getting Back Together song...so much). But things change. I recently downloaded her album Red for a friend, and I thought I'd give it a try, just to see. I wasn't clawing my ears off, and I also wasn't hitting repeat. Until I stumbled across All Too Well.

Holy. Feelings.

It's like she's in my head or something, or maybe she's roughly my age and she just happens to be able to put into song all the things that we as young girls in love tend to feel and think. Maybe.

Definitely.

The autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place, and I can picture it after all these days.  And I know it's long gone, and that magic's not here no more, and I might be okay, but I'm not fine at all.

Double negative aside, I really couldn't have said it better myself.

And I know it's long gone, and there was nothing else I could do, and I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to.

Seriously, who told her? I mean, had this song come out this time last year, I would have immediately lost it, as I almost did Sunday night when I heard it for the first time. I can't stop listening to it; I'm hypnotized by its truth. It hits too close to home. I just...I can't.

Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much,  but maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up. 

Running scared, I was there. I remember it all too well. 

It's amazing the memories you hold on to, the smells, the touches, the words, the way that smile hit the light just right, the feeling of being complete in that moment, the sheer happiness, the hope for the future, then the gut wrenching feeling of the end, the tears, the loss of all of your plans. I definitely remember it all too well.

You call me up again to just to break me like a promise, so casually cruel in the name of being honest.

That may be my favorite line of the song.

'Cause there we are again, when I loved you so, back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known. It was rare, I was there. I remember it all too well.

And that's the best part, the past tense of it all. Though I'm no longer in that place anymore, and that's but a closed chapter, it doesn't make the words any less haunting, any less true, any less vivid. I got punched in the mouth once, so out of the blue, that I didn't even realize I was in a fight. That's what this song is, it's being punched before you can even realize what's happening. Then you're feeling so many things you've tried to forget that you fear you might explode, and the only thing you can do is push repeat.

But it's done. It's a memory. And when I have exhausted all of those feelings I put on Begin Again, and I'll leave you with the place I'm at now:

And you throw you head back laughing like a little kid. I think it's strange that you think I'm funny 'cause he never did. 

I've been spending the last eight months, thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end. But on a Wednesday in a cafe, I watched it begin again..