thank you for the venom

Now, I know that I can't make you stay, but where's your heart? 
And I know there's nothing I can say, to change that part...to change that part, to change


Oh, My Chemical Romance, you make my days better. Their set at BSMF '07 still remains in my top 5 favorite shows. (The other four, in no particular order, are: Aerosmith at the Pyramid, Avett this April in Tupelo, Justin Timberlake at the Forum, and Jack's Mannequin/Lady Danville last summer at the New Daisy).

A life that's so demanding, I get so weak. A love that's so demanding, I can't speak. 


I remember seeing the video, I'm Not Okay (I Promise) on Fuse or something, and almost immediately buying Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge in tenth grade. I listened to it with my brother on my way to school pretty much every morning. I was obsessed with To the End for a really long time. I also loved the video for Helena, which was when Mikey Way earned his place in my heart, but my ultimate favorite from that album has to be Thank You for the Venom.

I am not afraid to keep on living. I am not afraid to walk this world alone. Honey, if you stay, I'll be forgiven. Nothing you could stay can stop me going home. 


Then The Black Parade came out, and my respect for them sky-rocketed. That album (concept/rock opera, if you will) is damn near perfect. I can't think of a single song on that album I don't like, and more than that, I can't really pick a favorite. I have such fantastic memories of blasting the album while riding around Oxford freshman year of college. It's definitely one of my favorites.

• The End: So throw on the black dress, mix in with the lot. You might wake up and notice you're someone you're not.
• Dead!: Have you heard the news that you're dead? No one ever had much nice to say. I think they never liked you anyway
• This is How I Disappear
• The Sharpest Lives*: Juliet loves the beat and the lust it commands. Drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands, Romeo. 
• Welcome to the Black Parade: Your memory will carry on, we'll carry on, and in my heart I can't contain it. The anthem won't explain it.
• I Don't Love You
• House of Wolves*
• Cancer: And bury me in all my favorite colors, my sisters and my brothers. Still, I will not kiss you, 'cause the hardest part of this is leaving you.
• Mama*: Mama, we're all gonna die. Stop asking me questions; I'd hate to see you cry. Mama, we're all gonna die.
• Sleep: Don't you breathe for me, undeserving of your sympathy, 'cause there ain't no way that I'm sorry for what I did.
• Teenagers
• Disenchanted*: When the lights all went out, we watched our lives on the screen. I hate the ending myself, but it started with an alright scene. 
• Famous Last Words*
• Blood
• Heaven Help Us*

Can't you see my eyes are shining bright, cause I'm out here on the other side?

The reason that this particular show was so phenomenal was not only due to the band, but also to mother nature. There had been tornado warnings and bad weather all day, and I was so worried they wouldn't play. The weather, thankfully, cleared up enough to allow them stage time, but during Famous Last Words, a lightning show started. It went perfectly with the music. I had chills all down my body, and I even have them now just thinking about that night. It also didn't hurt that my best friend, Nikki, toughed it out with me and we got to see them together.

Is it hard understanding, I'm incomplete? A love that's so demanding, I get weak. 

These bright lights have always blinded me. 

This is the part during the song when it started pouring and a full on storm raged. It was also perfectly timed with the music. This is one of those times I wish I had a Pensieve so that I could continually visit that memory without having the details fade with time. 

I see you lying next to me, with words I thought I'd never speak, awake and unafraid, asleep or dead.

I promise you, it felt like electricity running through my veins. I've never felt so alive before in my entire life, and no other experience has even come close to that night. And whenever I hear this song, I go back to that night, that feeling, though it's not quite as strong. I think it may be my anthem. I know that it moves me. It's my New York Groove. I love this song more than I love myself. 

I am not afraid to keep on living, I am not afraid to walk this world alone. 

are you dizzy yet?

You close your eyes and kiss your hand, then you blow it, but it isn't meant for me and I notice..

The time for a post on Jimmy Eat World is upon us. I can't believe it's taken me this long, to be honest. I have so much love and respect for this band it's silly. I remember getting Bleed American for Christmas my freshman year of high school. I can't even play the CD anymore because it has so many scratches from years of  loving wear.

When I tried to think of which song(s) I was going to reference for this post, three came up immediately:
1) 23
2) Dizzy
3) Cut


23 is my hands down favorite song they sing. I actually saw them perform said song the day after my 23rd birthday. They put on one of the best shows I have ever been to. I was front row and managed to get the set list. I'm one of those losers that loves getting things like that after the show is over--keepsakes, you know?

So, 23:
I felt for sure last night, that once we said goodbye, no one else will know these lonely dreams. No one else will know that part of me. I'm still driving away, and I'm sorry every day. I won't always love these selfish things. I won't always live...not stopping...


It's so strange, but at 23, this was my life. Even now, I can't think of any other song that I can relate to as well as I can to this one. In fact, over the past few months, I haven't even been able to listen to it, because I can't handle all of the emotions that surface when I hear it.

I won't always love what I'll never have. I won't always live in my regrets.

I hope I don't always love what I'll never have, but I can say that I don't have any regrets.

Dizzy:
Very rarely do I find a song that I consider perfect. I find myself nitpicking songs, and will come across small nuances like double negatives, a weird pitch change, the chorus is repeated one too many times, or lyrics that don't rhyme. Dizzy is no such song. It's perfect.

If everything I meant to you, you can lick and seal and fold in two, then I've been so blind.

When they played this at the show, I remember being in complete awe. This is a song that can change lives, and though it sounds crazy, when I listen to it, I can feel mine changing. I put it on almost every single mixed CD I make people; it's that good.

Oh, oh, take it all back, take the first, the last, the only. Oh, oh, take it all back, take it all back, everything you showed me. Oh, oh this must be how it feels when the feeling goes...


Everyone has had that moment when a relationship is ending, and you see it, almost in an out of body sort of way. That's what this is to me. That moment when you realize it's almost the end, and you think about all of the things you could say or do to make this person, the one you want so desperately, to stay.

I told you as I hovered, I never felt this way. You said I have the shot that stops my clock, baby it's okay. You said you'd never have regrets, but Jesus, is there someone yet who got that wish? Did you get yours babe?


When this has happened to me, I think of all the things I'd want someone to say to me. What do I want to hear? Well, I want to hear Dizzy. Maybe that's why I don't really have functional relationships, since I live in a fantasy land where music is the solution to all of life's problems. The more I think of it, though, is it really enough? Would a song make me change my mind about leaving the person I'm with? I have no idea, but Jimmy is definitely your best bet.

Cut:
This is off their most recent album, Invented. I can't write much about this one, as the words are too real and the wounds have only just healed.

There's always some baggage you've got to check. I'm trying, hope that you'd understand. I'm sorry boy, but I'm not cut for this no more. Yes, I loved you boy, but I'm not cut for this no more..

There are so many JEW songs that I can't even touch on, because this post would go on for days, so that's pretty much all you're getting for now.

Until that next fateful post, if you haven't already, you should check out: Goodbye Sky Harbor, Work, Praise Chorus, Let It Happen, Polaris, Big Casino, Futures, Mixtape, and The Heart is Hard to Find. I promise you won't regret it.

crimson and clover, over and over.

swan song

So, on my trip, I got caught up on some reading, (no, of course not NAPLEX/MPJE reading). I finished Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story, and I loved it. Seriously, this book was meant for me to read. It's about the author's relationship with music and how that relationship is affected by his personal relationships, and most likely vice versa. He so gets me. 

"On paper, the songs would be meaningless. But if you had my brain and if you had my ears and if you had ever spent an autumn afternoon on a balcony with Quincy, talking about how our day-to-day life would be different if werewolves were real...well, you would love 'New York Groove' more than you would love yourself." 

This is, in a nutshell, how I feel about music and my relationships, be them friendly or otherwise. And the point of this blog is to convey why/how those songs and bands are more than just lyrics and notes to me, and how they are me. 

He does a lot of lyrics to lovers (geez, that word bums me out), comparisons, which I totally dig, mostly because it turns out we are the same self-destructive person when it comes to “relationships.”

I have so many songs that me make think of certain people, that take me back to another time, another place. I'll have to save that for a different post, because I hate to lose my four readers over incessant ramblings of stupid boys and broken hearts, (at least for today). 

Another book that tackles music and its effect on people: High Fidelity by Nick Hornby. 

"I love the relationship that anyone has with music..because there's something in us that is beyond the reach of words, something that eludes and defies our best attempts to spit it out...It's the best part of us, probably."

Can I get an Amen? But back to Killing Yourself to Live.... 

"Remember how it was before you and I finally got together? I spent a year killing myself trying to make you love me, and it was a heart-breaking process. It was like I was singing 'Layla' to you every single night, and all you did was sleep with George Harrison." 

When I read that, I felt complete. Someone out there understands what I'm trying to say. Someone else pretty much lives their life in terms of song. I'm not alone!!! 

"I love KISS because the world makes sense when I think about them. Art and love are the same thing: It's the process of seeing yourself in things that are not you."

Taking Back Sunday is my KISS. Brand New and Jimmy Eat World and The Black Keys and so many other bands are also my KISS. My world makes the most sense when I listen to them (or any decent music, for that matter), and so it's much easier to speak and think in their terms, because that's where I feel comfortable, at peace. It's where I belong. And Chuck Klosterman gets that (I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together).

So, if anyone was wondering what the point of this blog is, this is the best way it can be explained. Music means more to me than almost anything. I don't know how to not function in music. Every memory, every night, every life event, has its own theme song. And this blog is my attempt to share the whys and hows of them. 

I feel that when I'm old, I'll look at you and know the world was beautiful.

and the songbirds are singing

FLEETWOOD MAC.

So, not really what I would consider quintessential beach music, (read: Jack Johnson, Matchbox 20), but when Adam suggested we listen to them on the way down, it just kind of stuck. Also, the book I am reading had a quip about them as well, so I thought I'd take a chance on fate. Really, though, how can you NOT like Fleetwood Mac? Their music is all about breaking up and getting together, mostly within the band members themselves.

Last fall I purchased the Very Best of Fleetwood Mac, and it was likely the most rewarding purchase of its kind in the past the six months; even my parents asked for a copy.

Here are some of my favorites:

Songbird: And I wish you all the love in the world, but most of all, I wish it from myself


Little Lies: Although I'm not making plans, I hope that you understand there's a reason why. Close your, close your, close your eyes. No more broken hearts, we're better off apart. Let's give it a try. (Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies).


Dreams: Thunder only happens when it's raining. Players only love you when they're playing. Say, women, they will come and they will go. When the rain washes you clean, you'll know.

What Makes You Think You're the One?: What makes you think I'm the one who will love you forever? Everything you do has been done and this won't last forever. Every little bit is there to see, every little bit of you and me.

Say You Love Me: I'm begging you for a little sympathy, because if you use me again, it'll be the end of me.

Gold Dust Woman: Did she make you cry, make you break down, shatter your illusions of love? Is it over now? Do you know how? Pick up the pieces and go home.

As anyone who appreciates the phenomenal ensemble that is Fleetwood Mac knows, they have so many songs to love, and this is only a small representation of their handiwork, (read: Go Your Own Way, Monday Morning, Landslide). 

I realize this post has no other point other than giving me an outlet to share my love for a band that was dominating the airwaves before I was even born, but it needed to be done. So, now I'm leaving you with lyrics from my absolute favorite song by Fleetwood Mac:

And if you don't love me now, you will never love me again. I can still hear you saying you will never break the chain.

Back to the beach, kids.

it's a bittersweet symphony

It's time. This time tomorrow, I'll have been hooded. I'll be getting ready for what I hope is the party of the century. I'll be a PharmD. I should be bouncing off the damn walls, but with every minute, the heaviness in my heart is growing.

We're all going our separate ways. We're all moving on and starting new lives. We're really not going to be together after tomorrow, and it's just now sinking in. I feel like I've been hit by a train. These aren't just my classmates; these people are my family.

Time moves slow
And it's you who brought me here, you through all these years.


I can't even type it all out to you. I'm choking back tears, and I'm about to lose the battle. These people shaped me these past four years, some for six, and some more than others. You know who you are.

You're the other two amigos.

You're my fantastic roommates.

You're my Elmaymo.

You're my 9th floor of Martin.

You're my new additions.

You're my Ocala.

You're my Wild Wild West.

You're my Harry Potter midnight premiers

You're my Hernando family.

You're my PDC brothers.


There are so many memories I'm holding on to, so many laughs and late nights. I'm scared that's all I'll have after tomorrow: memories. And if even if that is the case, I am so grateful to have them going into this new part of my life. It gives me the strength to know I can make it though anything, knowing that we all made it through this, together.

The hours we keep, the days we save. They add up to years, now face to face. With you by my side, now I can stand to finally begin. 


I hope we stay connected. I hope we remain in each other's lives. I hope we take trips together. I hope our children know each other. I hope I don't lose you.

I've been waiting, I've been waiting for this moment all my life, but it's not quite right.

Tomorrow is happening. We're less than 24 hours away. Away from graduating, from PharmD, from being hooded, from being adults, from moving on from this chapter and sadly even from one another. It's all so bittersweet, and I'm probably going to breakdown soon. I hope you all know how much you mean to me, and I don't know who I'd be without you. We really are the best class.

Here's to the nights we felt alive. Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry. Here's to goodbye; tomorrow's going to come too soon.

the dog days are over

What a weekend. I will have to admit, going into this BSMF, I thought my disappointment in this year's line-up (vs. last year's) would overshadow the acts I was going to see. This, ladies and gentlemen, is why I don't get paid to think.

Let's start with Friday:

• North MS Allstars--I've seen them before, but they always put on a good show
• Needtobreathe--So, I've heard of them, but never really gave them a listen. That was my mistake. Their live show was great, and I will be delving in to their music in the very near future.
• Florence + Machine--FLORENCE WELCH IS A GODDESS. She is magical. Her voice is angelic, and she is a breathtaking performer; seriously, I could watch her for days. When she was on, it was like the world stopped spinning, and I didn't want her to ever stop. It was that good, guys. If you missed her, super shame on you; you really did yourself a disservice. 

And now to Saturday: 

• Childish Gambino--I MET HIM. Okay, now that that is out of the way, let's get to his actual performance. I had a BLAST. He was so energetic, and it really projected on to the crowd. I danced and jumped and rapped, all like the white girl I am, but I enjoyed every second. His band was pretty awesome too; they too got into the music/pumped up the crowd. Haley and I made Community-inspired posters and we're going to pretend that he loved them, (which, how could he not?) Seriously fantastic, and he took off his shirt, which, you'll see is a mega-bonus.

• Cold War Kids--I have to stay, they definitely lacked the energy needed for a really great live show, but they were still enjoyable. It was very easy listening, and they played two of my three favorites, so I have no real complaints there. I think they may be better in a smaller, more intimate setting. 

Sunday:

• Zoogma--Always fun. Interesting to see them in the middle of the day, sans light show and a good buzz, but always happy to support local bands. 
• The Head and the Heart--Color me impressed. I already obtained their album and plan on giving it a serious listen on the beach next week. I really love their style, and they put on a fun/adorable show. I plan on being obsessed within two weeks. Check out the song Rivers and Roads, and expect more on them in the future.
• Coheed and Cambria--Second time seeing them, and they still rock. I know their music is not for everyone, but Claudio's voice: phenomenal, (hair too). I really need to put more of them back into my life. 
• The Civil Wars--Holy Shit. Pardon my language, but really, if you're not listening to this duo, then you're not doing it right. The crowd was so quiet, as to hear every word/note/chord that they had to offer. I want to see them again. And again and again. They sang a new song for us, and it was just as lovely as everything on Barton Hallow. They also did a cover of Billie Jean, which was quirky and delightful.  Plus, they're so stinking adorable performing together, so I'm basically even more in love with them now. Just like with Flo, if you missed them, you really did a disservice to yourself. 

It's truly my favorite time of the year, and, as always, I'm bummed it's over. Here's to waiting until February for the next line up. Hopefully I'll make it to ACL or Voodoo Fest in the meantime.

So leave all your love and your longing behind; you can't carry it with you if you want to survive 

miles and miles in my bare feet

Okay, so I was going to wait until after seeing them at BSMF to write about The Civil Wars, but I simply can't wait any longer. I've been "prepping" for these upcoming shows by listening to only the artists being featured during my normal activities of daily living, and generally I'm able to get stuff done and absorb the music at the same time. That's not the case with these guys. I can't get ANYTHING done when their music is on; I find myself entranced.

Exhibit A:  Falling--All about falling out of love, and being sorry about it.

Why am I feeling so guilty? Why am I holding my breath? Worry about everyone but me, and I just keep losing myself ...

 .
Exhibit B: C'est la Mort--It is life; It is death. A song about not being able to live without someone else. This music makes me such a sap, but god, it's beautiful

Let's walk down the road that has no end, steal away where only angels tread. Heaven of hell or somewhere in between, cross your heart and take me when you leave. 

Exhibit C: To Whom it May Concern--A letter to the love of their lives that they have yet to meet. Again, such a freaking sap, and I hate it, (but really I love it). 

Slowly counting the days till I finally know your name, ooh the way your hand feels around my waist, the way you laugh, the way your kisses taste. 

This is really the song that stopped me in my tracks, and subsequently found me putting it on repeat. It's actually taking me forever to write this post, because I keep pausing to soak it in.

Dear whoever you might be, I'm still waiting patiently. 

I cannot wait to hear them live. I have a feeling that they'll be even better in person, (like Kelly Clarkson and Mumford & Sons). Don't worry, I'll tell you all about it come Monday.

I don't have a choice, but I still choose you. I don't love you, but I always will. 

it's just a lyrical lie

Random songs I'm loving at the moment, mostly about lying...

Lyrical Lies: An old one, but a good one. I hate to admit that I even like this band, but I do, and I especially like this song. The idea that all of this music that I pour so much of myself into, is, in fact, a lie amuses me. I think they might call that irony or something.

And I think what I just wrote is going over my head. I'm stealing lines from myself, and what I said was never said. It's just a lyrical lie, made up in my mind.


We all bend the truth sometimes.

And your body on my mattress is proof, and your makeup on my pillow is proof, but do you think I am telling you the truth?




Me vs. Maradona  vs. Elvis: I guess this is also an old one. I cannot express in enough words how much I love Brand New. I was obsessed with this song maybe seven years ago, and in the past few months, my love for it has resurfaced. My brother lovingly called it the "date rape song," but I feel that's a little harsh. And maybe it is about getting a girl drunk and lying to her to sleep with her, but when Jesse Lacey sings it, I'm almost jealous of this unnamed "drunk."

I've got desperate desires and unadmirable plans. My tongue will taste of gin and malicious intent.


YES. Tell me that's not good songwriting.

You're using all your looks that you've thrown from the start. If you let me have my way, I swear I'll tear you apart. 


Part of me wants to do this to a guy, for all of the times I've been lied to.

I will lie awake, lie for fun and fake the way I hold you, let you fall for every empty word I say. 


In reality, though, I could never be that ruthless. This song definitely gives me a false sense of confidence when I listen. When I'm singing the words, I really do believe I could, but I'm not broken enough to hurt others (at least that much).

You can sin or spend the night all alone.