the minor fall and the major lift

Okay, it's time to talk about my favorite song. I used to have a hard time with this because, seriously, how can you choose? I change my mind daily about how much I like certain songs, (this often correlates with my mood/current happenings in my life). It's really like asking most parents, (not mine), which child is their favorite.

I'm not a good parent. I do have a favorite: Jeff Buckley's Hallelujah.

She tied you to her kitchen chair, and she broke your throne, and she cut your hair. And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah.

I really actually enjoy all versions of this song. I particularly love the Justin Timberlake edition from the Hope for Haiti soundtrack. Also, Imogen Heap's take, albeit a bit creepy, is also enjoyable.

Love is not a victory march; it's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah.


I know it's a bit of a downer in terms of the lyrics, but that's why I love it so much; it's real. I get chills from many a song, but there are very few that every time I hear it I feel it with my entire being. This song is the gold standard for that. The next songs that even come close are I Can Feel a Hot One by Manchester Orchestra, followed by I and Love and You by the Avett Brothers. Hmmm, all slow songs with slightly depressing undertones. Maybe I'm just addicted to sadness, (you were right, Gotye).

Well, there was a time when you let me know what's really going on below. But now you never show that to me, do you? And remember when I moved in you? And the holy dove was moving too? And every breath we drew was Hallelujah.

I really want to shake Leonard Cohen's hand for this song.

Have you ever listened to Paramore's live version of their song, Hallelujah? Haley does a bit from this song, and it's quite fantastic. Also, I listen to Fallout Boy's Hum Hallelujah just to hear their take on it. Maybe it's overdone and overused, but like with Adele, I don't care. To me, good music is good music, no matter how many times you hear it.

Well maybe there's a god above, but all I've ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who  outdrew you. And it's not a cry that you hear at night. It's not somebody who's seen the light; it's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah. 

Hallelujah.

andrew mcmahon is a friend of mine

But who am I to argue fate, and who are you to walk away? I'm standing here with nothing left to prove. 

I live in a fantasy world where Oreos are nutritious, new Harry Potter books come out every year, and every guy is some version of Andrew McMahon. Whether you know him from Something Corporate or from Jack's Mannequin, it matters not. To me, the way and what he sings about women and relationships is both genuine and heartfelt. It makes my knees weak.

Where are you now? As I'm swimming through the stereo, I'm writing you a symphony of sound. Where are you now? As I rearrange the songs again, this mix could burn a hole in anyone, but it was you I was thinking of.


Yes, please. What mold were you made from Mr. McMahon, and are there others? Do you know where I could find one?

Slow down...this night's a perfect shade of dark blue, dark blue. Have you ever been alone in a crowded room? When I'm here with you, I said the world could be burning down...


Even when's he breaking up with someone, it's graceful.

Hours pass, and she still counts the minutes that I am not there. I swear I didn't mean for it to feel like this, like every inch of me is bruised.


What's even more amazing, is that when you see him live, his energy is out of this world. I've seen Jack's Mannequin three times, (which seems to be a trend for me--threes), and with every show, my respect for him as an artist, (and person), grows. He is a cancer survivor, so while in Memphis, he visited St. Jude before the show, and then dedicated Swim to the patients there. I was covered in goosebumps.

You've got to swim. Don't let yourself sink. Just find the horizon; I promise you it's not as far as you think. 

I actually got to meet him, get an autograph, and chat with him after the show. He's so unbelievably nice; he met with fans for what seemed like hours. This makes me believe in his lyrics even more than I already did.

I am only going to give you one more lyric, though I have so many I want to share. I haven't even posted anything from Something Corporate, but you should check out them and Jack's Mannequin as well, if you're not already familiar. You need to become familiar.

As long as your heart's beating, it should never beat alone. No man is an island when a woman is his home.


He really should teach a class or something. It gives me hope that there are guys out there that can love a girl this way.






Other songs to check out: Hammers and Strings (A Lullaby), Konstantine, Only Ashes, The Resolution, MFEO PT. 1 and 2, Holiday from Real, Caves.

godspeed, sweet dreams

It was just a week ago that I wrote about death. Seven days later, and here I am, one loved one less. And the same thing I said then stands true now:

You'll close your eyes and see me; a little death makes life more meaningful.

As always, I reach for a song to emulate whatever I'm feeling, and right now, I'm heartbroken, just simply heartbroken.

I don't want you to cry and weep, oh. I want you to go on living your life. I'm not sleeping an endless sleep, oh, because in your heart you have all of our good times.


She was so sick, and now I know she's not, so I don't want to be so selfish as to say I wish she was still with us. I just didn't even get to say goodbye. I didn't get to tell her what an outstanding lady she is, and how much I really love her, (though I know she knows).

And all my love will fly to you each night, on angels' wings...

I mean, how freaking precious is that? (This was about a year ago with my baby cousin, Avery.)

But time makes you bolder, children get older, and I'm getting older too...


My aunt threw together a surprise party for her birthday a few weeks ago, and when we all walked in, singing happy birthday, she cried the happiest tears I've ever seen. When I left, I kissed her forehead, and told her I loved her so much. She squeezed my arm with what little strength she had left, and told me she loved me too.  That's a memory I'll keep forever.

Call your mom and/or your dad, hug your sibling, text your best friend. Let the people you love know you love them, even if you both know you do. I always tell my family this when I finish any conversation. I hug and kiss every last person before I leave. You should too.

Grandmother, I miss you already. You are the kindest, most loving lady I've ever met, and you continually tell me how proud I make you. And it always means the most when you say it. I love you so much, and I am trying to keep my chin up; I know you're so much better off now.

On sleepless roads, the sleepless go. May angels lead you in.

Taking Back Sunday Sunday

Sundays are a day for TBS. They are my hands down, all time favorite band. They changed my life, in a for real kind of way.

I had just gotten home from school at the beginning of ninth grade, and I accidentally changed the channel from VH1's Countdown (or some such Top 40 nonsense) to Steven's Untitled Rock Show on Fuse, which happened to be playing Cute Without the 'E' (Cut from the Team). I didn't immediately change the channel back because the video happened to look like my favorite movie, Fight Club. I'm so glad that it did. I sat there for the remainder of the song, entranced, and decided to watch the remaining videos. Then I decided to record the show every day. Then I bought Tell All Your Friends. Then I woke up, and started listening to real music. Then I became me. Did I like every band and song on the show? No, but Taking Back Sunday led me to Brand New and My Chemical Romance and so many other bands that I can't imagine not knowing at this point in my life. I started reading Spin, and discovering new music on my own. I got my first pair of Chucks (which, I still have, by the way), that Christmas. 

She said, 'don't, don't let it go to your head; boys like you are a dime a dozen, boys like you are a dime a dozen," she said, "you're a touch overrated; you're a lush and I hate it..."

I still listen to Top 40 radio sometimes, and I still go see Hanson in concert, but now I know that music is more than what I happen to hear; it's what I want to hear, what I need to deal with all the things in my life, good and bad. It's how I cope. It's 85% of who I am. And who knows how long that would have taken had I never heard Taking Back Sunday for the first time that day. I might be listening to the radio on the way home, not caring which song comes on next, but hearing TBS that afternoon taught me that real music is music that speaks to you,that shapes you, that makes you better a better you.

I've seen them three times. I've met multiple members of the band. I have five shirts, signed CDs, and the last time I saw them, we came full circle: I sang Cute Without the 'E' (Cut from the Team) WITH ADAM. They are my favorites, and I will talk about them quite frequently, I'm sure. I'd like to gather the whole band one day, (much in the same way I'd like to speak with JK Rowling), and just tell them in the most sincere way, "Thank you," for making music, for being them, for changing me, for the better. 

Hoping for the best, just hoping nothing happens, a thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins. I will never ask if you don't ever tell me. I know you well enough to know you never loved me.

Happy Taking Back Sunday, y'all.

blunderbuss

I love the White Stripes (If I could blast Blue Orchid every time I walk into a room, I would, I so would), but I also love Jack White as a separate entity (The Raconteurs and The Dead Weather, anyone?). Naturally, then, when I heard about his solo album, Blunderbuss, I did a very unattractive happy dance. The album is streaming from iTunes for free at the moment; (it's release date is April 24th). It's fantastic, freaking fantastic. 

Love Interruption: This was the first single, released back in January, and I instantly loved it. To me, it's really an FU to love, which I'm down with. 

Yeah, I won't let love disrupt, corrupt, or interrupt me anymore

Sixteen Saltines: This one was released back in March, and I guess I'd call it one of the "heavier" songs on the album. I didn't love it at first, but now it's one of my favorites on the album.

Who's jealous, who's jealous, who's jealous, who's jealous of who? If I get busy, then I couldn't care less what you do, but when I'm by myself I think of nothing else, than if a boy just might be getting through and touching you.

The album is decidedly not White Stripes, but it works, and fills the hole in my heart left by them breaking up last year. Nostalgia is a word that comes to mind when listening, and I can't get enough of it. Some songs even remind me of the Robert Plant/Alison Krauss collaboration album. You really should go do your ears a favor, and hit up iTunes. I can't believe I missed him when he was in Memphis, (and not for lack of trying--it sold out in minutes), but I would venture to guess his music career is far from over, so there's to the hope of another opportunity.


Other songs I'm really loving: On and On and On, Freedom at 21, and Hypocritical Kiss.*


*But really, all of the songs are great, so me addressing five of them is really a moot point.

it's always darkest before the dawn

And I've been a fool and I've been blind; I can never leave the past behind. I can see no way, I can see no way. I'm always dragging that horse around


The Past: I feel like I'm always running from it, and at the same time, repeating so many of its mistakes. Listening to this song, I thought, well what if I stopped running? What if I just let it be a part of who I am now? What if I put down all of my weapons, shame, animosity, what have you, and just let it, well, be. I can't erase it. I can't change it. Leaving it behind is not an option, because it's a part of me now. 


But tonight, I'm going to bury that horse in the ground

So, instead of using my energy to fight the past and who I was, I am going to use what I've learned and lost to shape who it is I want to be. 

I am done with my graceless heart, so tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart.

I have a great job lined up, a great apartment lined up, a great new life just within my grasp, and it's time that I restarted, (or at least moved forward). Is it going to be easy? Absolutely not, but it's necessary. 

And given half the chance would I take any of it back. It's a fine romance, but it's left me so undone. It's always darkest before the dawn.

I don't want to take any of it back. Regrets are not something I want to be burdened with. Did I make some bad choices? Of course, we all do, but I also made some good choices. I was loved, and I loved someone. And if you've ever seen Moulin Rouge, then you know that's the greatest of life's lessons.

And I'm damned if I do, and I'm damned if I don't, so here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my rope. And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope. It's a shot in the dark, aimed right at my throat.



I'm ready to let it go, but not forget; to let it be a part of me, but not control me. I am looking forward to the future, and I'm optimistic. I'm going to be okay; I just need to shake it out.


And it's hard to dance with devil on your back, so shake him off, shake him off.


You really get me, Flo. See you in a few weeks.

a little death makes life more meaningful

"If I knew I was going to die at a specific moment in the future, it would be nice to be able to control what song I was listening to; this is why I always bring my iPod on airplanes." -Chuck Klosterman

I'm currently reading Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story by this man, and this quote obviously stuck out to me. This is brilliant and also true. I'm always making soundtracks for my day/weekend/lifetime, and it prompted me to think about death. What song WOULD I want playing when I die? Well, this of course depends on so many things, but I ultimately decided on one. I also decided on a soundtrack, in general, for my life*, (this latter idea was stolen from a Facebook note from many years ago).

Opening credits: Itchin' on a Photograph--Grouplove
Waking up: Highly Evolved--The Vines
Average day: Lisztomania--Phoenix
First date: Remember to Breathe--Dashboard Confessional
Falling in love: Wake Up--Coheed and Cambria
Love scene: Flux and Flow--Lights
Fight scene: Bury Your Head--Saosin
Breaking up: Cut--Jimmy Eat World
Getting back together: Laundry Room--Avett Brothers
Secret love: You--The Pretty Reckless
Life's okay: Holiday From Real--Jack's Mannequin
Mental breakdown: Cute Without the 'E'-Cut from the Team--Taking Back Sunday
Driving: When the Lights Go Out--Black Keys
Learning a lesson: I Can Feel a Hot One--Manchester Orchestra
Deep thought: Lost!--Coldplay
Flashback: More than a Feeling--Boston
Partying: Infinity Guitars--Sleigh Bells
Happy dance: Gamma Ray--Beck
Regretting: Left and Leaving--The Weakerthans
Long night alone: Haunting--Anberlin
Death scene: You Won't Know--Brand New
Closing credit: MMMBop--Hanson

So, back to the original reason for posting: the song to be played while I die--this is one my favorite Brand New songs. It's a bit sad, but most of the time dying is. Best lyric:

And I can't use the telephone, to tell you that I'm dead and gone...

so you won't know, (i'm gone, i'm gone), no you won't know.

What would your soundtrack sound like?

*All songs are subject to change hourly, daily, weekly, monthly, yearly.

may your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground

Carry on.

I am nothing less than obsessed with Fun. at the moment. I could listen to Some Nights on repeat for weeks, or at the very least, an entire day.

No, when I see stars, when I see stars, that's all they are. When I hear songs, they sound like a swan, so come on...


I don't really know what I am looking for in a life mate, but I can tell you that if they don't worship the very idea of music, then I can't be with them. There is no future. Music consumes me. All day, music floats through my head, triggering memories and feelings. I don't know what I'd do without music. When people ask the age-old "would you rather be blind or deaf?," I don't hesitate for a second. I would rather never see again than never hear the one thing I can always count on in my life. And I need someone who understands this. Music is such a big part of me; the best part, I think.

I knew there'd come a day, when all was said and done, and everything I want is everything but gone. All my big mistakes are bouncing off your wall. The bottles never break; the sun will never come. 

stop your parents' car

I spent Saturday night not only with one very lovely lady, but also with one of the most incredibly talented, bone chilling, (not to mention deliciously good-looking) bands out there. If the Avett Brothers did not just come to mind, then you're not doing it right.

As mentioned before, my posts are (for the most part) going to be dedicated to my favorite lyrics by some of my favorite bands, and how those lyrics affect/apply to me. Well the boys are just so profound, that I am going to limit myself to ten, and try to stick to the ones I've seen live. Their music moves me, and somehow encourages me to be a more simple, more loving, and overall better person. And isn't that what life and love are about in the first place?

10. Murder in the City--Always remember, there was nothing worth sharing, like the love that let us share our name.

This song is about family, and the incredible love between a family. I don't think much more explanation is needed.

9. When I Drink--Maybe I don't have to be good but I can try to be at least a little better than I've been so far


8. The Ballad of Love and Hate--I'm yours and that's it, whatever...you're mine and that's it, forever
     This whole song tells a story, good and bad/dark and light/love 
           and hate. In the end, love wins. As it should. As it will.

7. November Blue--My heart is dancin', to a November tune, and I hope that you hear it, singing songs about you

As a member of the human race with too many feelings and emotions, I am constantly channeling these through songs. Almost every song I sing out loud is to or about someone in my life. This song actually applies to a handful of people in my life and my mood dictates which one.

6. Love Like the Movies--Now in the movies they make it look so perfect, and in the background they're always playing the right song. And in the ending there's always a resolution. but real life is more than just two hours long

I have to remind myself from time to time that movie love isn't real love at all.

5. January Wedding--And I was sick with heartache, and she was sick like Audrey Hepburn when I met her. But we would both surrender. True love is not the kind of thing you should turn down: don't ever turn it down

DON'T EVER TURN IT DOWN

4. Pretty Girl at the Airport--And you don't have to tell me that you love me. For all the words I've never understood, I know, I know

Just because we aren't together and just because we can't say it out loud, I know you do, and you know I do. Always.

3. Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise--And if you're loved by someone, you're never rejected. Decide what to be and go be it.

Some of the simplest and most powerful lyrics I've ever had the pleasure of hearing. I want this tattooed on my body. I want it painted on my walls. I want it on my tombstone. I want to tell everyone I meet these seventeen words. I want these words to spark the same hope in someone else that they continually spark in me. People need to know these words. 

2. I and Love and You--Three words that became hard to say: I and love and you. What you were then, I am today. Look at the things I do.

This entire song moves me. Seeing it live, is like the first breath of fresh air after being underwater for 2 minutes. It's the most beautiful thing I think I've ever witnessed, (and I have witnessed it thrice). Love is always there, but not always at the right time. A lesson I struggle with daily.

1. Laundry Room--Last night I dreamt the whole night long, and woke with a head full of songs. I spent the whole day; I wrote them down, but it's a shame. Tonight I'll burn the lyrics, 'cause every chorus was your name.

I can't tell you how many choruses (of others' music) I've wanted to throw away because every word is someone's name (figuratively, of course). How many songs will I have to attach to them? I hope not many more...This is my absolute favorite Avett song. And this past Saturday, Amy and I heard it live. It was like they sang it just for us.

TLDR: I love the Avett Brothers, and you should too. You don't know what you've been missing.