the rolex is faceless

I'm living in the 21st century, doing something mean to it. Do it better than anybody you ever seen do it. Screams from the haters got a nice ring to it. 

I guess every super hero need his theme music.

Back when Sex and the City was still making new episodes (and even after), girls were doing the whole "I'm a Miranda/Carrie/Whatever/

Forgot Her Name," thing. Though I didn't watch the show then, and even now, I've only seen a handful of episodes, I was interested in this whole "Which Character Are You?" bit. None of the show's characters really felt like me, so now when I watch shows, I tend to think, "Am I an Arya? Am I a Leslie? Am I a Hannah?" (Still trying  to find my soul sister).  And the answer is always, "No, not really,". So who am I? This is the totally cliche part where I am supposed to tell you that I have discovered that I am simply myself, and being an individual in this world of conformity is enough for me; that I am now enlightened. Sorry to disappoint you guys, but that's not the case; it turns out I'm just a Kanye.

As in Kanye West. As in the rapper. As in the epitome of asshole. As in kindred spirit. 

(Minus the fact that I'm not a rapper and I've never impregnated a Kardashian). 

Everything I'm not, made me everything I am 

It's really funny, because I wasn't even going to go see him this past Sunday, and now I'm listening to him non-stop. And while the lyrical beauty of my Avett Brothers or Jimmy Eat World is absent, the unfiltered arrogance and lack of tactfulness that runs through my own veins is very much there. 

Good morning, on this day we become legendary, everything we dreamed of...

From the moments of pain, look how far we done came, haters saying ya changed. Now ya doing ya thing.

Plus: 

50 told me go ahead, switch the style up, and if they hate then let 'em hate, and watch the money pile up...the good life.

So, it's not poetry. It's boastful and unapologetic, both of which I am. And maybe I didn't start from the streets to get where I am at, but some struggles aren't monetary. Everyone is trying to prove themselves to someone. 'Ye and I are no different, except that we're going to let you know that we've made it. More than once. It's all that power. 

There's a thousand you's. There's only one of me. (I'm trippin'. I'm caught up in the moment, right?). 

Kanye really knows how to make everything about him, make you think that he's the only one he cares about. Yeezy (not unlike myself) wants you to think he doesn't need anyone, but we all know how this story unfolds.

Chased the good life my whole life long. Look back on my life, and my life gone. Where did I go wrong?

And then again in Watch the Throne

When we die, the money we can't keep, but we probably spent it all, 'cause the pain ain't cheap.

Preach. 

I (currently) love my lifestyle. I am happy with the path that I've chosen, and the opportunities which it affords. Yet, I find myself wondering if it will stop being enough, and if it does, will it be too late? Will the person who's needed so little from others for so long finally feel that emptiness that can only be filled with love from another? Only time will tell, but if I'm on the Kanye path, it's looking that way. 

You got that big fame homie, and you just changed on me. You can ask big homie, man the top so lonely. 

It IS lonely on top. It's hard to be the coolest person you know, isn't it, 'Ye? I wish I was joking, but I too possess this conceitedness. It's a problem. There's being self-confident, and then there's us. It's working for him, but I think I might need to reel it back in, get grounded, humble it up a bit.

(baby, I got a plan...)

It just feels as though no one is ever enough for me. I have a hard time allowing myself to feel happy (back to that trust issue nonsense). I sometimes wonder how and why I still have friends. 

And I always find, yeah I always find something wrong. You've been putting up with my sh*t just way too long. 

So basically, I used to talk trash about Kanye as a person, and wouldn't you know, I was just talking trash about myself. Isn't that the way it goes?

I'm exhausted, barely breathing, holding on to what I believe in...

So here's to hoping that my selfishness dissipates and I find my Kim K, (figuratively speaking). 

...I'm the only thing I'm afraid of