elevate it in a song

All you need is love, love, love

Despite working Friday and Sunday, it was a good weekend. I was fortunate enough to see some wonderful people I hadn't seen in a very long time, and I got to see an amazing couple get married. I couldn't help but let myself start to feel a tiny optimistic watching them exchange vows and seeing their first dance. They are so in love with each other. They are so grateful for one another. It gave me hope.

Love is all you need

On a less romantic comedy esque note, I've been trying to be more productive on my days off. I made all of my meals on Thursday (this is HUGE for me), and I've been getting back in to a regular work out routine. I used to dread the idea of working out, but now I look forward to it. And I'm not running 8 miles a day or dominating CrossFit, but I'm bettering my mind and body, clearing my head if only for an hour a day.

While out on a long walk by the river, the sun was setting, creating the most breathtaking sky I've seen in quite a while, and I felt peace for a few, brief moments. And for those few moments, I actually believed the mantra I've been feeding myself for the past months; that it's all going to be okay. I may still be sad and lost and unsure, but it's going to be okay. It's rough right now, but it's going to get better.

But if my word is to be true, life is something to behold. But if the truth is to be told, let us not leave out any part. Do not fear; it's safe to say it here. You will not be weakling, nor a fraud, for feeling the pain of the whole wide world. 

A friend and I played around with the idea of training for a half marathon taking place this February, and I've never really seriously considered such nonsense, but the more we talked about it, the more excited I became. I have been researching training programs and reading personal testimonies from first timers. I even made the mistake of getting on runDisney, and my heart nearly exploded in excitement. And it's genuine, for the first time ever. I expressed this to my friend and she said something that made sense, "Of course. It will be our distraction from everything else in life that we can't control."

Life feels hard right now, and the simplicity of running (the actual foot in front of the other part), is exactly what I need. These are plans that I can make, and the only one who can break them is me. The only one that can disappoint me is me. And I'm not going to let me down.

You want to help, but can't help the feeling you cannot. And it's killing you while you're just trying to smile from your heart. So go on, say it, on the same knees you're praying. Yes, life is hard.

And it's going to be okay.

It's getting lost and getting found, to growing up and getting 'round. It's feeling silence, feeling sound. It's feeling lonely, feeling full. It's feeling oh, so beautiful...