wood and nails

It's funny how a song can change your mood.

First song:

Jesus Christ: Brand New

Do you believe you're missing out? That everything good is happening somewhere else? But with nobody in your bed, the night's hard to get through. 

And I, will die, all alone. And when I, arrive, I won't know anyone. 

Okay, so it seems a little depressing, and maybe it is, but it's still one of my favorites. Jesse Lacey's impeccable lyrics never fail to amaze me. If you read my previous post, you can probably understand the song's appeal to me, particularly at this juncture in my life. 

Well, Jesus Christ, I'm not scared to die. I'm a little bit scared of what comes after. Do I get the gold chariot? Or do I float through the ceiling? 

Do I, divide, and pull apart? Because my bright is too slight to hold back all my dark. 

I think a lot about the after. Not necessarily the after of death, but just the after of everything. What happens after I turn 25? 30? What happens when my fears of not being able to be loved come to fruition?What happens when everyone I know is married and I'm still watching Community reruns in my pajamas on a Saturday night? What happens when my career isn't enough, but it's too late for much else? What happens after my dark sucks all the light out of me?

You can see how this song, however lyrically elegant, can be emotionally draining. It definitely doesn't lighten any moods, but feeds off my insecurities and fears, propelling them and adding to the layers. It's a real dementor of a song. So, after listening to it, I was doing the deep thought, pitiful fist to cheek lean into my car window, wallowing a bit in self pity. Then, the iPod gods shuffled to something completely different. 

Second song:

The Heart of Life: John Mayer

I hate to see you cry, lying there in that position. There's things you need to hear. So turn off your tears and listen.

For the record, I WASN'T crying. But okay, Mr. Mayer, I'm listening. 

You know, it's nothing new. Bad news never had good timing. Then, the circle of your friends will defend the silver lining. 

And then I stopped slouching into my window and sat a little straighter. 

Pain throws your heart to the ground. Love turns the whole thing around. No, it won't all go the way it should, but I know the heart of life is good. 

And just like that, I was smiling. My mood changed instantly. I'd love to tell you that a simple John Mayer song can turn a heartless robot into June Cleaver, but that's just not real. But, a day that was starting a bit sour, got a little sweeter. It lifted my spirits just enough to remind me that hope is still something I can feel. Real problems have complicated solutions. Fairy god mothers don't wave their wands and make your dreams come true. It's not going to be an easy road, but it's going to be worth it. And it's imperative that I am reminded of this periodically, because if not, my dark will overtake my bright for good. 

I'm not going to stop listening to Jesus Christ, and I'm not going to start listening to The Heart of Life more often, but I am going to keep my chin up, however heavy my head and heart may be.. 

Lately things have been less than stellar and a bit suffocating, but I know the heart of life is good..